tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60118003690955267662024-03-18T20:53:25.369-07:00Roses on RossfordWe have this hope as an anchor for our soul, firm and secure.
Hebrews 6:19Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.comBlogger434125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-79615140491244623802023-07-10T22:10:00.000-07:002023-07-10T22:10:34.480-07:00Concourse C<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">I’ve felt all along God placed this specific trip in my path and honestly it was easy for me to say, “Yes! I’ll go!” whenthe opportunity came up at lunch one afternoon at McAlister’s. It’s been a dream of mine to do mission work with families in another country since I was just a little girl. I thought I knew as a young girl it was going to be Haiti. In my mind I was going to go to Haiti and work in an orphanage. It turns out 10+ years later my first international trip is to Durban, South Africa where I’ll be helping build, paint, and finalize the set up of a preschool. This is one of those times when I can finally see the bigger picture and know that God’s plan and timing are better than my own. I think back to prayers I’ve prayed and questions I’ve asked and frustrations I’ve aired about when the timing would be right…and now I know. </span></div><p></p><p><br /></p><p>I have so many examples of God’s hand and timing on all the details but the one moment that almost brought me to tears was the minute we stepped on the train in the Atlanta airport. We were navigating the busy terminal and making our way to Concourse E. As we got on the train Christine said. “If we get split up, we’re headed to Concourse E…E as in elephant. We can meet there.” We all giggled and thought that was the perfect way to rememebr our gate since we would be seeing elephants at the Thula Thula Elephant Reserve. We continued on the train, grabbed the dirty, silver rails and held on as the train jerked to a start. An announcement was made that we were coming up on Concourse C. The recording said, “Our next stop is Concourse C. C as in Charlie. Christine and I locked eyes and smiled the biggest smiles. She looked at me and said, “You are exactly where you are supposed to be…”</p><p><br /></p><p>All the things that had to happen and line up just perfectly for me to be on that train when they said Charlie’s name are proof in my opinion that God cares about me/us. He cares about what makes my heart happy. He wants me to know that I am seen and heard. That was his way of telling me his timing is always perfect and this trip is not a fluke. </p><p><br /></p><p>I have a feeling the reason I’m here is more for me than anyone I’ll meet or help by working at the school. I have a feeling I’m going to experience so many more moments like that too and I’m here to soak them all in! South Africa, here I come! </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMI-n8Facg9zj6ntxkJ7rAJQpPA8WNdj-BT-nT_qPsVRprwd-wpsPHPH24JhLW3w4doEsd04o0Cay_IhFe_r5IcxSK4iKe2XcEiLTT334b5VzKEYodR8l7jY40wUsqniFhP-b-sWcplokbsEeU_SEHweRHDjRxqx0DFoCaaUZnk7KOHsM6n_zUsKb1-vU/s4032/IMG_9134.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMI-n8Facg9zj6ntxkJ7rAJQpPA8WNdj-BT-nT_qPsVRprwd-wpsPHPH24JhLW3w4doEsd04o0Cay_IhFe_r5IcxSK4iKe2XcEiLTT334b5VzKEYodR8l7jY40wUsqniFhP-b-sWcplokbsEeU_SEHweRHDjRxqx0DFoCaaUZnk7KOHsM6n_zUsKb1-vU/s320/IMG_9134.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br />Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-16111869069919373372023-06-25T05:54:00.001-07:002023-06-25T05:54:10.619-07:00Durban, South Africa<p>I'm going to South Africa! </p><p><br /></p><p>I am planning to use this as a journal to share some of the pictures and experiences I have while I am away. I leave the states on July 10th and will be in Durban, South Africa until July 20th. </p><p><br /></p><p>If you think about it say a prayer or two, mainly for my two little people at home. I know this is going to be different than they're used to and the longest (and furthest) I've ever been away from them. </p><p><br /></p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">15 days, 6 hours, 58 minutes until go time! </span></b></p>Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-72292118846253023262021-01-11T18:06:00.002-08:002021-01-11T18:07:25.735-08:00I Want What You Want <p> Dear Jesus,</p><p>Thank you for giving me today. </p><p>Because of today I have the opportunity to engage in another day where I can learn and grow. Thank you for allowing me the time to sit with you and uncover my own valuable opinion while also listening to the opinions of others. Your nudges and wisdom when meeting others in hard places helps me realize when I am being disingenuous and allows me to give my heart and mind up to your desires; not my own. </p><p>I am not right. I am not wrong. There is really no need for labels and shame. I am only learning and growing and trying to do the best I can with my faith held close to my heart. I want what you want. </p><p>Amen </p>Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-37706523349885566522020-12-10T20:45:00.003-08:002020-12-10T20:45:30.313-08:00Grief Then and Now <p>The thing about the grief <i>we normally carry </i>and feel is we are typically one of the few feeling and experiencing it. We grieve when someone or something is ripped from our lives unexpectedly; when someone we love with our entire heart and soul is taken away from us. All the while the rest of the world keeps going as we struggle to take our next breath. I vividly remember walking into Macy's to look for an outfit to bury Charlie in and I was screaming (silently in my mind) at everyone in the store that day because I couldn't understand how they could just go on with their normal day when my world had literally just been destroyed with little hope for rescue. </p><p>However, that day and every day after I kept walking. I kept moving forward and eventually I lost my "old self" and my life turned into "before" and "after" our trauma. I often find myself thinking, 'Was that before Charlie or after?' </p><p>As we move forward after loss we have the opportunity to work through all the hard things and come out of the darkness better than we were before. But we can only do that if we learn to recognize that joy and sadness can exist at the exact same time. I learned to embrace that truth while relying on other people and their (what I thought was) "unbrokenness" to help me cope and move forward. </p><p>The thing that is different this time as we wade through our current environment full of grief and darkness is that we are ALL feeling it. Grief has consumed our entire world. It isn't just a person or family this time who have been hit with a traumatic loss. We are all trying to figure out how to let our "old self" transform into something new while we grieve the things/experiences (and possibly people) we have lost because of a global pandemic. Literally, no one is exempt this time. We are all weary and it seems there are no "unbroken" people to help us muddle through all the feelings. </p><p>At first, I didn't think that would work. I was frustrated and disappointed because we were all experiencing something so tragic that I didn't believe we were strong enough to hold one another up. That's when I started praying. I started really reflecting on it all. I searched scripture and tried to uncover truth in the messy middle of the pandemic. Once I began to really reflect on what was happening I remembered Jesus' power is perfected in our weakness. Our "unbrokenness" doesn't exist. We are all broken and carrying ugly, hard, earthly things with us all the time. I was reminded once again my strength comes from Jesus (just like I was reminded when we lost Charlie six and a half years ago). </p><p>I have always disliked the saying, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle..." because I don't believe it and it doesn't make sense to me. First of all, God doesn't "give us" bad things. Bad things (in my humble opinion) come from sin. Also, on my own, I could not have lived through losing my son. It was Jesus (and the people he placed in my path) that helped me take each new step forward. </p><p>I guess what I am saying is we all need Jesus and we all need each other. Typical (or atypical grief circumstances) requires us to lean on one another. When I think about the one big lesson I learned from grief it would be without a single doubt <b><i>you must share how you feel with others</i></b>. God gave me people and friendships to help me seek him when I turned the other way. I needed to share the grief attacks, the sadness, the loneliness, the frustration, the anger, and all the other things I was feeling. I couldn't walk through it alone and I didn't have to. I needed to find a person (or two or three) and share the deepest (and often darkest) parts of my heart with them. The nature of our current grief situation makes this hard because human nature has us compare grief. But I think we need to go ahead and stop here. Grief is not "big or small" and it cannot be compared. Everyone's grief is important and should be validated with an empathetic ear not someone trying to fix it. We can pick up the phone and call someone when we need them or better yet, call someone else just to check on them. We can still help each other weather this storm regardless of our circumstances because our strength does not come from ourselves. </p><p>My strength comes from my Savior. </p><p>For those of us who have experienced the loss of a child we always say, "It's a club no one chooses to join..." It's true. No one wants to experience something that causes their heart to ache to the point of physical pain. No one wants to experience tragedy that brings nightmares and anxiety and sleepless nights (among a million other things). But I can tell you from personal experience <i><b>from grief good things can come</b></i>. I believe that is true of this trying time as well. It has been hard for a lot of people. It has been hard for my family and I as well. But everyday when the kids get weepy and I want to cry big tears I try and remind all of us "from grief good things can come." </p><p>As I mentioned earlier joy and pain can coexist. This always reminds me of a quote from Brene Brown where she said, "Twinkle lights are the perfect metaphor for joy. Joy is not a constant. It comes to us in moments - often ordinary moments. Sometimes we miss out on the bursts of joy because we're too busy chasing down extraordinary moments." In our current circumstances I think sometimes we miss bursts of joy because we have allowed ourselves to be consumed with hard and negative things. I am not naive enough to think that we should all just skip through life and ignore all the hard things because those hard things deserve space too (see above and find a friend). But what I am saying (and I need to take my own advice) is we need to look for those moments of joy; those twinkle light moments so that as we begin to learn who we are <i>now</i> and figure out how to deal what is to come we can keep going and grasp hope in our heart for what lies ahead. </p><p>God tells us in Lamentations 3:22 that the love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to and end; they are new every morning...</p><p>I am clinging to that promise as we all experience this grief together. </p>Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-75967562395798568322020-07-17T08:00:00.000-07:002020-07-17T08:00:04.584-07:00A Lesson After 6 Years There is a huge misunderstanding that follows grieving people around (especially at the beginning of that journey). <br />
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You think we don't want to hear about <b><i>you and your people</i></b>. <br />
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Trust me when I say I want you to tell me about your people. I want you to share the good and the bad about your kids and your families. Tell me when they experience "firsts" that consequently change your life. Share when they make you so mad you want to cry or scream or both. Tell me how your little people are the same age that Charlie would be because I want to remember him too and dream about all the new things we would be experiencing everyday. Laugh with me about the silly things your kids do and share the funny stories. Tell me when you have absolutely had it and need a break because I will gladly go grab a margarita with you! <br />
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I do not want you to ever stop yourself from saying something that seems insignificant compared to what others have walked through or what you know I have walked through. I truly believe after walking through this grief and walking with others through small pieces of their grief journey that our grief and heartaches cannot be compared. They are absolutely not meant to be compared. I have said it before and I will say it again, "The worst lost is always yours." We have to vow to sit in hard spaces with others when they are experiencing their hard moments and I am so thankful I have people that have done that for me over the past 6 years. We need to make space for that. <br />
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Charlie died 6 years ago today and I will never forget that day. It makes me ache for him. It makes me question so many things, but then I remember I have hope. I have hope that I will see him again in Heaven. <br />
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So while I am waiting here on Earth I need people to continue to share all the things I mentioned above because it is your joy and happiness that makes me remember why it is so worth it to be completely resistless and wide open with our love for others. Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-11128150460248861772020-06-01T19:41:00.001-07:002020-06-01T20:03:30.799-07:00Shame I was recently listening to podcast about the book/television show, <i>Little Fires Everywhere</i>, and Brene Brown said something that stopped me in my tracks. She said, "Parenting is a shame mindfield. We are so shaming to other parents because we are the most likely to shame others in areas where we feel the most vulnerable to shame. Where we feel<b> full of self worth</b> we usually <b>don't shame others</b>. When we are <b>scared to death</b> we are making <b>colossal mistakes</b> we are <b>very quick to shame</b>..."<br />
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It spoke to me on so many varying levels about so many different things. Our current state of unrest and violence is extremely troubling (to say the least) and on top of that disturbing truth you often (almost <i>always</i> from my perspective, while social media scrolling) see others shaming one another for speaking up or not speaking up or for feeling a certain way or not feeling a certain way. This quote made me realize why people may react in this manner or post things that are geared towards making others feel shameful about their reactions. It helped me understand that it may in fact be an internal struggle for those people that actually has nothing to do with others. In light of our current situation it makes me sad that on top of the hurt we are all already feeling we now have to feel shameful for the way we react to it even if our reaction is completely innocent of malintent.<br />
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I believe we each have a part to play in spreading love and also remaining unified. Right now, I believe that looks different for everyone. I think we need to work really hard to be understanding of how that process looks different in one another also.<br />
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I am currently trying to help my seven year old children walk through the natural consequences of a global pandemic that has changed their lives tremendously. Yes, they're grieving different things than our 2020 seniors and families that have lost loved ones and they're definitely grieving differently than those people in our world that are persecuted for the color of their skin but I learned early on in my own grief journey that "the worst loss is always yours." All of us, while doing what is right for ourselves, need to call out what we have lost, sit in it, feel it, and then (when we can) help one another by sitting in grief together as we walk through those minefields. Our world is full of hurt. Our hearts are heavy and it is important for us to remember that as we navigate more hurt and pain in the news daily. <br />
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My kids miss their friends. They miss their teacher and the normalcy of a typical school day. They miss the swimming pool. They miss stopping at the grocery to help me pick out something for dinner. These are the things that are in the forefront of their seven year old minds. I am going to let them feel those feelings and I am going to help them navigate that pain without adding another layer of distress and heartache to their minds. I know allowing them to see or hear the things on the news right now would be hard on their emotional well being and I do not think <i>for our family</i> this is a "teachable moment." <br />
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This is the choice my family is making today. That does not mean everyone should make that decision for their family and it doesn't even mean this is going to be the choice we make in a week. Our decision won't be what is best for everyone and that is what makes our world and our country so great. We have different people with different perspectives doing different things. We need each other and we need all the different perspectives to help one another grow and learn.<br />
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What we do not need is <i>shame</i>. I hope we can help one another without adding another layer of hurt and heartache to our lives. I hope we can love one another and fight for kindness instead of hate. Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-84504169374369450032020-04-06T20:30:00.000-07:002020-04-06T20:30:04.576-07:00Big OakieHave you ever done something really hard (and even fought with yourself about whether or not you actually wanted to do it as you were trying to do it) and then looked back on it and realized it was one of the most fun thing you have ever done?! <br />
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I was thinking about this when John and Macy and I went on a hike in the Tree Trails in Fort Thomas. We made it to the tree they have lovingly named "Big Oakie." They love this tree and know that when it comes up in the trail they want to stop and see if they can actually get inside. It has an opening big enough for them to fit in to and then once they are in it there is actually a little more room to move around. They have never before had the courage to crawl inside. <br />
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Once we made it to "Big Oakie" on this particular hike they were determined to get inside of it. They tried. They changed their minds. They attempted again. They got their head inside and then got nervous and backed up quickly to ensure they wouldn't get stuck. There were even tears streaming down Macy's face as she tried and then got too nervous and backed up. She looked at me and said, "I am not going any further on this trail until I do this!" They were both determined but also so so scared. After probably 20-30 minutes of trying and failing they finally both did it! The success of Macy's was just the push John needed to do it too. When they got inside they were not completely relieved because they still feared whether or not they would be able to get out. Obviously I knew they were going to be fine. I wouldn't have let them do it if I thought they were in any real danger. <br />
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It reminded me of God and some of the things we are going through right now. The parallels are not perfect but it reminded me that for most of us, this pandemic will impact us in small ways compared to others. We will have to stay home more than normal, we will grocery shop alone with masks covering our faces, and our "normal lives" will be impacted and put on hold. We may feel uncomfortable while we are in the midst of it all just like Macy and John did as they tried to get inside the trunk of that tree, but I have a feeling when we look back it may be some of the sweetest time we spend with our families. When we walked away from that tree they said, "That was really fun!" If you had been there as a witness I have a feeling you may not have thought that was the most "fun" part of the hike, but they did! They enjoyed figuring it out and being pushed outside if their comfort place. <br />
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I think this crisis could teach us all to be still more.<br />
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I think we may learn to take advantage of our time without distractions.<br />
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I think we could even look back and say, "That was fun." <br />
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Obviously, some people are experiencing different stories than our own. Some of our doctors and nurses, and food service friends are on the front lines. I am not in any way downplaying any of that or the seriousness of this virus but for those of us staying home and waiting this out, I hope we can look back and think that wasn't as bad I thought it was going to be. I hope being interrupted and pushed makes us better and stronger than before. Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-15118701020454811992020-04-05T20:01:00.002-07:002020-04-05T20:01:47.721-07:00Uncovering Lessons in the Midst of CoronaVirusIn the midst of hard, uncomfortable experiences we learn more than we ever could cozied up with the perfect circumstances and scenarios. I am learning so many things about myself and about the people I love that I may not have known without this forced time together. I wanted to write a few things down so that we could look back on this time as a family and remember some of the things we were feeling right in the middle of it. <br />
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1. My mind is constantly consumed with horrible, difficult things and I haven't watched one single thing on the news about Coronavirus. I literally have not watched ONE single thing; not a press conference with our governor, Andy Beshear, or a new channel broadcasting on the subject, nothing. I am not recommending this but I do believe our mental health needs to be a priority and when we fill our minds with too much negativity (whether it is true or not) it can transform how we think. If I need to know something John (or my mom and dad) will fill me in. I can't let my mind be inundated with anything else that may keep me from finding the bright side in the midst of this terrible virus. I already know it is bad and I already know I need to be careful in public places when I shop for our families groceries. I am not panicked but I am anxious. I have to take care of my mind. This is one way I need to do this and I think that is ok. <br />
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2. The past few days I have been overwhelmed by the fact that I need to entertain my children constantly in order for this to be less traumatic for them. I have quickly learned after a few chats with good friends that that idea is in fact not true. Each evening I am going to start asking myself; Do Macy and Johnny know they are loved and safe? <b><i>YES! </i></b> Are they fed and bathed (well bathed most of the time)? <i><b>YES!</b></i> Are we all together and finding joy in small moments? <i style="font-weight: bold;">YES! </i>All the rest then needs to fall by the wayside right now. That is not something I can let consume my mind either. In the words of a friend, "Today my kids stayed in their pjs, did not brush their teeth, had chocolate for dinner, and played on their iPads all day. But they went to bed happy and safe and that is a win today." <br />
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3. Everyday is different. Our moods and temperaments (especially) change from day to day. If we feel upset or frustrated one day it is important to remember it may be completely different the next day. Take advantage of the moments you feel "normal" and do things that you know will sustain you during those days that are less than ideal. This advice is for myself as much as it is anyone else!<br />
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4. There is a scripture that says, "God doesn't necessarily take us out of pain and heartache. Instead He gives us all the grace and everything we need to persevere in heartache." 1 Peter 1:3 That has so much truth packed into it that I do not need to dissect it at all. We're not perfect but we can continue because of his grace and hope. He will help us persevere.<br />
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Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-89102566825841730772020-04-01T08:58:00.001-07:002020-04-01T08:58:08.667-07:00Corona Virus UpdateCorona Virus Update from the Gesenhues<br />
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Johnny: "This Corona Virus changed the world for me because we can't go the grocery stores unless we really need something. I can't play with people outside. I have to do homeschool which I don't like as much as real school. I want to go back to school to see my friends and teacher. I'm super, super frustrated because I just don't like it."<br />
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Macy: "It changed things for me because I don't get to see my family very often. I miss them all so much. We don't get to go to Florida for Spring Break because we aren't allowed to go on planes or on vacation. We have to stay 6 feet away from other people. I don't like that we can't be by our neighbors or play with our favorite friends. I can't even say hi to my teacher expect for online. My teacher brought us a bag of candy to make us smile. It makes me worry a lot." <br />
<br />Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-14639601676593452862019-11-06T19:51:00.000-08:002019-11-06T19:51:07.490-08:00God's GoodnessGod promises us so many things. He blesses us more fully than we can comprehend. One scripture that continually comes to my mind is the verse in Romans that says, "...And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." He promises us good things when we love him. <br />
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Now, I realize this statement coming from a bereaved momma may seem odd or may be difficult to understand for some. I can look back and tell you that I did not always think this scripture was true. I didn't think there was any possible way that good things could come from Charlie's death. I even asked God (many times) why he would write something like that in scripture when I was uncovering how impossible it was on a daily basis. But I kept asking and wrestling with God and I eventually began uncovering small things that I would call "good" along the way. <br />
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Now I know that good things can come from death, even my own son's death. It is still kind of hard to write that, and actually even harder to feel it in my heart. How can a mother think good things could come from their child passing away? It is probably counter-culture to walk through grief and want to experience joy and "good things" but I am learning how crucial it is to do that in order to heal. Walking through grief (the hard and painful emotions) to experience joy (the good Jesus promises us) is what God created us to do. For everything there is a season. He doesn't want us to get stuck in grief. He wants us to walk through it and let it change us but not destroy us. <br />
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I wish I could share all the ways God has stretched and strengthened my heart. I wish you could feel how deeply I want Charlie back in my normal day to day while I continue to walk without him. I wish I could share how God has healed me enough to continue to share my story. I wish I could explain how I have learned how much more important it is to listen than speak. But more than anything else I wish you could have seen the unraveling of the story that I experienced tonight that was SO far from my mind when I walked into the Russell's home. <br />
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Tonight I was able to finally see all the pieces and parts of a web God had been weaving for YEARS come undone for two people that probably needed the joy that rocked our world more than anyone else in that moment. Unbeknownst to me when I walked into bible study tonight I met Caleb's mom. And for those of you that do not know, Caleb is right next to Charlie at St. Stephen Cemetery. <br />
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I have prayed over his family. I have left things at his grave. I have thought to myself, the boys must be playing together up in heaven. I have asked God to introduce me to Caleb's mom. And in the most unlikely of circumstances tonight (four YEARS after Caleb's headstone was set) we met and we hugged. We shed tears over our boys and their memory and if I had to guess we found a friend in one another that understands the deepest part of our soul tonight. We found a friendship that could not possibly have been formed without the bond of our babies in heaven. <br />
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I'd do anything to have Charlie back but since this side of heaven I don't have that choice I will take my new friend as a "good thing" God is giving me to help me walk through the tough stuff while I am here on Earth. And thank goodness he wants us to do life with people because tonight that was exactly what I needed at the exact moment that I needed it. I am thankful for that blessing. I am thankful he cares deeply enough to weave a new friend into my life on the exact same day that my kids got out of the car after school and I started crying because I missed my boy. Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-48990957308922201212019-07-24T19:41:00.001-07:002019-07-24T19:49:03.255-07:00charity: water It is an incredible thing to think that Charlie's short life is impacting other people's lives across the globe. As I laid in bed the evening before Charlie's fifth birthday I thought about charity: water. I had thought about it before but I wanted to start a fundraiser for Charlie for his fifth birthday. It was a big birthday and I wanted to remember him and share Charlie Love in a big way. In my opinion, clean water is the absolute best gift our family could give another.<br />
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So that is how it started. It was a thought. A thought that turned into a nudge. That nudge from the Lord that wouldn't go away then turned into a crazy big goal. A crazy big goal that had meaning. Charlie had been in heaven (on his fifth birthday) for 1,808 days and since it was his fifth birthday we decided we would commemorate his day by asking 1,808 people to donate just $5 each. If that many people donated $5 a piece we would raise $9040.00. I was laying in bed thinking to myself, this is probably not going to happen but how neat would that be to donate all that money to charity: water if we did meet our goal. So I set up a fundraiser on Facebook and then changed the automated goal from $200 to $9,040. I shared it with friends and family and gave us 17 days to do the work. Since Charlie lived for just 17 days I wanted to try and meet our goal by his angel day.<br />
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The evening before his fifth angel day we stayed up (after sharing the fundraiser again) and watched the donations come in! Macy and Johnny stayed up and we played with sidewalk chalk while we waited. Right at 8:28 PM (the day BEFORE Charlie's angel day) a long time family friend donated $87; the exact amount we needed to meet our goal. We had officially raised $9,040. I stared at my phone screen humbled and honored to be able to share 100% of that money with charity: water. We were reminded in that instant that no one in heaven is thirsty and we want to experience that here on earth as well. Charlie's life is changing lives. Charlie's short, 17 day life is changing lives.<br />
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Charity: water founder, Scott Harrison, reached out and wanted to help allocate a water project in Charlie's name to honor his legacy. He also donated $90.40 of his own personal money to our project. I couldn't believe he emailed and also donated. It was super special!<br />
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Since then, I have received other emails and correspondence from charity: water. Just today I received an email from charity: water key relationships officer explaining next steps for our project. In the next few weeks they will have a list of projects that we will be able to choose from in the 10K range. Once we choose a project they will use the money we raised to begin the implementation process and send our dollars to the field in January! A few hours later I received another email. Their key relationships officer, Paige, looked up Fort Thomas and realized how close to Cincinnati we are. She explained she will be in Cincy the week of August 14th. She wants to connect in person! Of course, I plan to move around just about anything that week (aside from the first day of school, of course) in order to meet her and chat about Charlie's well. I can't wait to meet her and continue to develop a plan with her for Charlie's legacy.<br />
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People somewhere across the globe will get to drink CLEAN water in January because of all of YOU and because of Charlie's fifth birthday fundraiser. I just needed to say thank you again. Do you want to know more about charity: water? Watch the video I linked below! It is worth every single second of your time!<br />
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<a href="https://youtu.be/UE9UvT5ujyg" target="_blank">Charity: Water</a>Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-42557037638732909902019-07-16T20:21:00.003-07:002019-07-16T20:28:51.624-07:00No One is Thirsty in Heaven It's been a few months since I have written down my thoughts to share with all of you.<br />
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But for a very special reason, today seemed like the perfect day to jump back on and say...<br />
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THANK YOU.<br />
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Thank you for trusting me and my crazy ideas.<br />
Thank you for sharing your hard earned money with us for charity: water.<br />
Thank you for loving our family whole heartedly.<br />
Thank you for joining a cause our family thinks is so important.<br />
Thank you for giving your money for water instead of a coffee.<br />
Thank you for grieving with us.<br />
Thank you for helping us find joy in our deepest sorrow.<br />
Thank you for walking next to us.<br />
Thank you for holding us up.<br />
Thank you for believing with us that charity: water is the real deal.<br />
Thank you for thinking of others before yourself.<br />
Thank you for taking time to click on our story and read it.<br />
Thank you for trusting that good can come from the ugly in our world.<br />
Thank you for the time you took to stop scrolling through your feed to donate.<br />
Thank you for praying for us diligently.<br />
Thank you for celebrating with us.<br />
Thank you for trusting in the Lord and sharing that hope with us.<br />
Thank you for allowing us to be a small part of a nearly $10,000 fundraiser!<br />
Thank you for never giving up.<br />
Thank you for sharing this birthday celebration with all your friends and family.<br />
Thank you for giving $5 and $500!<br />
Thank you for listening to the Holy Spirit telling you to give.<br />
Thank you for being who God made you to be.<br />
Thank you for learning with us how to walk through grief.<br />
Thank you for saying Charlie's name.<br />
Thank you for remembering our boy by giving others clean water.<br />
Thank you for taking to heart our favorite phrase as of late, "No one is thirsty in heaven!"<br />
Thank you for honoring our son.<br />
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This post could probably go on for eternity because the weight of what you just did will bring light to our dark world and will echo through the lives of many families in the most positive way for years and years to come.<br />
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Water is our most basic need and you just helped to share that basic need with another person. You are the hands and feet of Jesus and we are thankful for you! <br />
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We couldn't have had the impact we did without you!<br />
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#charlielove #nooneisthirstyinheavenCasey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-40738352025402996782019-03-05T18:59:00.002-08:002019-03-05T18:59:34.185-08:00Proud Brother After my own visit to the doctor, Johnny's fever spiked, and he also needed to head to the doctor. <br />
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The story starts at 4:45 just after I dropped Macy off at dance. I thought I may sneak away to get my nails done. I didn't really care about getting them done but I wanted to sit somewhere alone and kind of zone out for a bit. Before I headed that way I wanted to grab my medicine. I had every intention of headed towards the nail salon when John called. He was a little bit rattled and thought we needed to take Johnny to the doctor to check for strep and flu because his fever was quite a bit higher than it had been all day. <br />
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We checked in with the promise of an hour and forty five minute wait. Johnny wrapped himself around me and laid on my shoulder. He was nervous and absolutely miserable. It made my heart stop just thinking about him in pain. It took me all the way back to Charlie laying in his hospital bed while someone suctioned his mouth and cleaned all the breathing apparatuses. Then just like that I was back when they called John's name. <br />
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The nurse was very kind. She talked to him and let him know exactly what she was doing so that he wasn't surprised. He answered all of her questions and let her take a throat culture and then let her do a flu test. He didn't cry. He just sat and waited for the next question or direction. Finally the doctor came in and read the tests. He did in fact have the flu and to be honest I think I may have cheered a little because at least we knew what it was. At least we had an answer and a solution in medicine and rest. John had to leave at this point to pick up Macy from dance while we finished up with a few additional questions. Prescriptions were sent to the pharmacy and we were almost out the door. <br />
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She remembered me mentioning John's sister and for some reason she asked me about her again. The conversation went like this... <br />
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<b>Doctor:</b> "Did you say he has a sister?"<br />
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<b>Me:</b> "Yes, he is a twin. His twin sister was just sick over the weekend with similar symptoms."<br />
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<b>Doctor:</b> "Yes, that is right. I just wanted to make sure we have that documented as well in case you need to bring him back in...and does he have a brother?"<br />
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My heart stopped. This is one of those minutes where time freezes. She doesn't need to know for any medical reason that he has a brother, but then I would be completely guilt ridden if I didn't mention that he does in fact have a brother. I have no idea if time actually stopped or John sensed my hesitation but he picked up and answered without missing a beat. He unapologetically answered that he does in fact have a brother. He carried that moment for me and made sure that the doctor knew how proud of his brother he was. He didn't think twice. <br />
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<b>Johnny:</b> "Yes, his name is Charlie. He is in heaven." <br />
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Those were his exact words. I will carry those words with me as well as that confident answer he gave so full of pride for the rest of my days. <br />
<br />Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-85376899726525540992019-03-04T12:14:00.003-08:002019-03-04T12:14:35.652-08:00Compounded to...Overwhelming!Stress induced hives. Possible allergic reaction. Muscle spasms. Fatigue. <br />
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I have had all of the above over the last two weeks. This past weekend was by far the worst. I finally surrendered to good friends telling me I should go to the doctor and let them look at me. It may be my least favorite place to go even before the string of events that led to Charlie's death. I've never liked it. But I know it can also be a place of healing and my doctor is very encouraging and also very honest. So long story short, finding some answers to a lot of unanswered questions gives me a bit of peace of mind (even in the short term) and I actually have medicine to help the hives disappear, muscle spasms relax, and to bring on the sleep!<br />
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This journey never ends. The impact of losing a child, as I was reminded by a friend today, is the small part of anxiety that most people deal with compounded to <u><b>overwhelmin</b></u><b><u>g</u></b>! Small and big things bring it all back. Things remind me of my own journey and whether they are good or bad those things bring emotions that are at times too much to walk through. Over the course of the last few weeks both of my kids have been sick. An eighth grade student at our middle school died from causes that are completely unknown still. A child in Ohio died from the flu and strep. A student in my class' house caught on fire and nothing could be salvaged. It is tragedy after tragedy and the wreckage that lies deep in my soul and heart comes back to haunt me. This time it knocked me down. <br />
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The only thing I can do in circumstances like this is pray. I am praying selfish prayers for healing and peace to come over me. I will also pray those same prayers over the families that I know walking through their own tragedy. <br />
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Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-16507788272191354462018-12-19T20:52:00.001-08:002018-12-19T20:52:10.458-08:00In Our HeartIt hits you when you least expect it. <br />
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It takes your breath away, every single time.<br />
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This week I've missed Charlie terribly. I always miss him, but this week my heart physically hurt. At one point I was begging for him to come back. I was close to falling on my knees and begging Jesus to let him come back. And then I had to be a parent to my other two children regardless of how sad and sorrowful I felt.<br />
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So on Monday evening we made plans to go to the Festival of Lights as a family on Tuesday after school. We have been swamped at work for the majority of the past two months and after taking the time this weekend to finally catch up on a few things around our house we felt like it was important to do something fun with the twins. We wanted to be free of distractions and take the time to spend some quality time with them making fun, Christmas memories. <br />
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And then I woke up on Tuesday missing my boy. It was almost unbearable. I was grumpy and short with people around me. But as the day went on I decided to pray and ask God to take the burden. I didn't want to ruin my families evening out and I knew I wasn't going to be able to find joy alone. After asking for His help it ended up being the perfect night. We did all the things everyone wanted to do. We snuck in a few snacks including a family favorite, cotton candy. We even stuck around to ride the train. Every single thing we did I kept thinking, what would this be like with Charlie? The whole trip was the epitome of joy and sorrow coexisting. What would it be like? But look what we have! What would he look like? But these two beautiful babies... Would he have special needs? The twins are learning so much and sharing their hearts with us. <br />
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I am thankful we knew Charlie. I with be eternally grateful for the time we had with him but nothing changes my desire to have him back in my arms. Nothing.<br />
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As Christmas approaches most rapidly, take a minute or two to recognize that there are people in your life that are missing loved ones. Say their names. Remember them. Their part in our lives is not over. Let them be here this year for Christmas if no where else but our hearts. Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-77828339614085622272018-10-04T19:09:00.002-07:002018-10-05T15:11:12.931-07:00What We Wish You Knew #2This evening at grief group someone shared something with us that was so very wise. I felt like I needed to write it down and keep a record of it because I believe someone may need to read it to better understand another intimate part of the grief they or a loved one is walking through.<br />
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When someone you love dies or you experience another type of trauma in your life you are forced in the center of a newly formed grief 'circle.' Just outside of you and your significant other is another circle that includes your immediate family (mom, dad, brothers, sisters, etc.). As you move to the outer rings of the grief circle you find people that are not as closely impacted by the loss but may still be grieving (friends and other family).<br />
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When my friend was explaining this circle she said it is important to "dump emotion <b><i>out</i></b>" and never in. As the person in the middle you need to grieve and pour out your heart and emotions to people on the outside of your circle. As someone in the outer rings of the grief circle you also need to also reach out, not in, when you need to express your own grief regarding the loss. If people follow the rule of dumping out and not in you as the person most closely associated with the loss will not have to comfort or carry the pain of your loss as well as the pain you see the people around you experiencing. This simple idea keeps everyone supporting and loving one another well without putting someone in a position to carry too much. It is called the Kvetching Order and it is explained much better in this <a href="http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407" target="_blank">article</a> in the LA Times. <br />
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We put a caveat on this tonight in our group. We believe it is also important not to completely ignore the people in the same circle and/or the circles inside of your own. There needs to be a balance in order to appropriately empathize and show emotion while still being strong for your loved one.<br />
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That's our nugget of knowledge for today. It's what we wish you knew. <b><i>Comfort in. Dump out. </i></b> Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-34074876558826968932018-09-29T18:54:00.000-07:002018-10-04T18:55:05.321-07:00Charlie is Running With YouLast night I spent the evening with Charlie.<br />
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Johnny wanted to take the twins to the Highlands football game and I decided it would be good for me to stay home. I needed some time alone. I needed to unwind from a long, difficult week and an intense grief group just one day prior.<br />
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I ran a few miles at Rossford and then laid on Charlie's bench for about 30 minutes.<br />
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It was perfect and much needed. It was good for my soul. I am thankful I am learning how to listen to the holy spirit say, "Slow down. Rest. Be good to yourself." <br />
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Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-80968724876794624022018-09-04T19:37:00.003-07:002018-09-04T19:37:43.091-07:00Teachable Text Tuesday (The Little Red Fort) This week as I was preparing and planning for my students, our amazing librarian, shared a book with me that was going to be perfect to help me model sequencing to my first grader students. The book is called <u>The Little Red Fort</u> by Brenda Maier and with it's already familiar story line it brings just the right amount of suspense to my first graders as we uncover how to sequence a text while still using our metacognitive strategies to become better readers. <div>
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The little girl in the story asks her three brothers for help when she wants to build something. Each time she moves to the next step in her project she gives her brothers another chance to join her. The story continues similar to <u>The Little Red Hen</u> but with a twist that makes you feel happy for all the characters involved near the end.</div>
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This evening as were laying in bed sharing special moments about our days, Macy stopped to share what they did in library today. She began retelling this thrilling story about a little girl that wanted to build something and she continued her retelling all the way through to the end of <u>The Little Red Fort</u>. She said she loved the ending because sometimes we all need a second chance. I was kind of astounded because it was one of the first moments when talking and analyzing a book that I didn't have to prompt or share or teach. It was a moment that she held on to a story (in her mind) that she loved, retold the story perfectly, and then made a connection and shared what she learned with me. It made my teacher heart happy! </div>
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So, if you are looking for something to do with this text or any other book for that matter, all you need to do is read it. Talk through normal and natural conversations that are spurred on as you read and take the time to reflect when you are finished. You don't have to do anything earth shattering to teach your little ones to love reading, except READ. Give your people lots of choices and lots of time and show them that you love to read too. I can almost guarantee that Macy's love for this book grew from her teacher's passion and love for this book. It is a big responsibility sharing a love for books but sometimes thats all it takes to create lifelong readers. </div>
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If you want to purchase this book you can find it <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Little-Red-Fort-Brenda-Maier/dp/0545859190" target="_blank">here</a>. Happy "Teachable Text Tuesday!" </div>
Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-67442292878890964582018-09-03T19:04:00.000-07:002018-09-03T19:04:03.505-07:00Labor DayI normally DO NOT sit still. I am always cleaning, organizing, planning, or scheduling something. I am realizing how terrible I am at taking a sabbath solely to rest and play. As I was asking God to show me how and when to rest he said, "Start today." <br />
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I decided to be completely sold out to being labor free on this labor day and I held up my end of the bargain to myself and God until just around 8:30 when everyone was laying in bed. Even then I only quickly folded a load of laundry, ironed our clothes for school, and then put clean clothes in everyone's closets. <br />
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It was this morning that I heard plans for a Nerf Gun war in the basement and I quickly joined. When the boys took off to play golf this morning, Macy and I set up an in-home salon and while watching Princess Diaries we manicured and pedicured our favorite colors onto our fingers and toes. It was the ideal time to spend completely in the moment without any distractions. The evening got even better when I didn't have to lift a finger to prepare dinner (since we were so graciously invited to Jane and John's house to eat). Macy and I made brownies to share (which definitely was way more fun than work) and waited out the rest of the afternoon on the sofa. <br />
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Perfection. <br />
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I always say the only run I regret taking is the one I didn't take and that is going to be SO true about my day of rest. I realize it may be a bit more difficult without the additional day off of school each week but I think if I can get a system in place for meals and cleaning I may actually be able to rest at least ONE day of my weekends. <br />
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Here's to trying! <br />
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Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-52262893533081407892018-09-01T19:04:00.004-07:002018-09-01T19:05:24.563-07:00Revelation 21:4<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">On Thursday our grief group team met to get ready for the upcoming grief session at Crossroads. We sat and shared our loss with one another and then talked through what God was currently doing in our lives. I listened as each person sitting around our table shared one of the deepest part of their heart. I took a piece of everyone's dialogue and soaked in the honesty and vulnerability. When it was my time to share I explained that I gave birth to Charlie, our son, and then just 17 days later we had to say goodbye. I shared that God has been really working to change my heart and help me feel contentment with where I currently am. He is helping to reveal to me the value and legacy I can and will leave if I follow his footsteps. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I guess I should preface this if you don't know me well with this...I've always wanted to be a principal. I have always longed to work with teachers in a way that would empower and impact even more students than I am in my classroom currently. It is a desire that pushed me to get my Masters Degree in Teacher Leadership and then my Rank I in Principal Preparation and Instructional Leadership, before the twins were born. I wanted to be ready when an opportunity became available and with my principal and law assessments taken (and passed) I was. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">However, when Charlie died in 2014, just two years after the twins were born I realized quickly God's plan for me included something far different at this time. The twins needed me home and I wanted to be home with them as much as I could be while still teaching and working in my classroom. I didn't want to forfeit my summers with my family or the time I had each evening to play, have dinner, do homework, read books, and take walks. I needed the consistency of teaching. I needed the familiarity of working with students. And now I know that I need to be able to spend those hours in a school as a peer to the teachers in my building so that I can empathize with them and sit with them during the most horrific time of their lives until eventually they feel a small bit of joy. That is my purpose in life. I've experienced something that changed me forever. I didn't think when I lost Charlie I would ever be able to be happy again. I thought I would be sad and heartbroken forever. While I am absolutely still so very sad and miss my boy so very much I also realize I can feel sorrow and joy at the same time. It is something God gifts us with if we keep pursuing him and we hold tight to the hope of heaven. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">At Woodfill we started the summer with five babies arriving at various times throughout the school year. It was going to be a year full of babies and long term subs and growing families. Little did we know that over the course of the summer we would lose three of our five WES babies. Three mommas, with broken hearts, started the school year wishing their bellies were still growing and their babies were still healthy and happy. Each of the families have different stories but they are hurting just the same. They are broken and I've sat with each of them and heard them say the same things I used to say. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"How do you do this? How am I supposed to do this?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"Why did this happen to my family?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"Nothing makes me happy anymore..."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">As I wrapped up my share at grief group I realized I am exactly where I need to be and with whom I need to be with. When I leaned into God and accepted the need to slow down and be content I was able to learn from my surroundings and situation more than had I dredged through to the principal/leadership role. I am glad to have walked this path ahead of these woman so that the insight and more importantly the ability to sit with them is there waiting for them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am praying over each of you this evening. Even if you never read this I hope you know you are not alone and you are constantly in my thoughts. I am consistently asking God to reveal a small sliver of joy to you when your heart is ready to feel it and I will be here when you feel guilt over feeling that joy. I understand and I hurt for you in this space. It is one of the hardest things you will endure. </span><br />
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Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-57052854550198685752018-07-16T20:55:00.000-07:002018-07-16T21:17:45.624-07:00What I Wish You Knew <div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Four years later…<o:p></o:p></div>
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I wish you knew that it does not help to say “It will get easier.” You may think that's true but regardless of whether or not it gets easier this kind of statement negates the overwhelming and absolutely exhausting feelings someone may be having that is grieving. It puts unrealistic and unnecessary stipulations on the timeframe that surrounds someone’s grief. I can only speak from my own experience but the pain and the heartache does not get easier in my opinion. It is only your ability to cope with the pain and your ability to process the trauma that changes or possibly “gets easier.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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I wish you knew that it was not God’s plan. I do in fact believe that God makes all things work for good as it tells us in Romans 8:28 but I do not believe when God first created our universe and our world that this was His plan. I refuse to believe that God planned for people to suffer and struggle only to then finally die. He wanted perfection and He created perfection. The moment sin entered the world, perfect was no longer possible (until Jesus came and died on the cross) and that is why we see pain and suffering in our world and we will until we go to Heaven. It is not because God wants it that way. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I wish you knew that grief attacks a griever in the least likely of places and during the most random times. There are still moments in my normal daily life that cause me to lose my footing. It doesn’t have to be Charlie’s birthday for me to feel sad. I slip back into feelings that make it hard to keep a smile on my face many times that may make no sense to anyone else. I can put on a mask just like a lot of other people can but it’s the close friends that can see through my mask to my hurt and my broken heart. Help your person take off the mask even if it’s just in front of you to allow them to continue to heal. Talking and “unloading” the heavy burdens on our hearts help us all heal. Don’t let your people walk through those grief attacks alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Whether we are four years past the trauma or just days or weeks into this journey I wish you knew it never helps to hear that “you know how it feels.” I am a strong advocate for empathy and sitting with someone in their mourning booth but to be there for someone does not mean that you need to share an experience that you feel is the same. The relationships and intricacies of each of our relationships with the ones we lose are all very different. There may be similarities and I do not think it is a bad idea to share when it is appropriate but making it about you makes a grieving person feel lonely. We know no one can fully understand and when no one listens to our hurt it makes it that much more apparent that we are alone in our feelings. Be a good listener. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I wish you knew that I still love hearing his name and I always will. It’s similar to you in that you enjoy talking about your child or family members whom you are close to. I will never tire of hearing his name or having someone ask me about him. Even four years later, I wish you still asked about him. Your questions may change. You know his story now, but bringing him up and bringing up the grief I now have, as I mourn things that will never be, is powerful for someone in my shoes. A griever often worries about your feelings and how a conversation about our dead loved ones may make you uncomfortable. However, when you bring them up we get to feel joy that someone remembers them, wants to talk about them, and also has kept him or her close to their heart as well. The burden is no longer on us. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: , serif;">I have good people in my life that have learned with me and walked by my side as I navigated four years without Charlie. None of us knew what to do or how to go about the rest of our lives without him. I do not take my people and our relationships for granted. This post isn</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">’</span><span style="font-family: , serif;">t about them, it is for those of you that may be learning how to walk through the cloud of grief with your own friend. It is to help you know what helps and what hurts. I have met and been introduced to many new people that are in a more vulnerable place in their grief journey than I currently am and I think sharing the things I have learned along the way may just help them (and you) experience a small sliver of peace in a difficult space. Let Charlie, his story, our story, and what I have learned through this journey be life giving for you and the people you love that are facing a deep and dark valley in their own life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: , serif;">#charlielove <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-56993016456011181782018-07-09T21:20:00.000-07:002018-07-16T21:21:09.504-07:00Borrowed Time The days following Charlie's birthday each year remind me of the borrowed time we spent with him from the day he was born until the day he died. It was only 17 days and for about 7 of those days you never would have known anything was wrong. Once those magical 7 days ended the vision of our family of five was forever changed. What I would do to get those days back. Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-74257379335167779432018-06-30T21:33:00.000-07:002018-07-16T21:33:16.045-07:00Happy Fourth Birthday Charlie!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-77791054193324111242018-06-29T19:42:00.001-07:002018-06-29T19:42:08.281-07:00Happy 4th Birthday Eve On Charlie's birthday I always think about his age. I always recognize the fact that he would be a year older but I can't seem to picture him as anything but a baby. "Forever 17 days old," they say. He never really grew up in my mind as we continued to live through his birthday each year, but this year for some reason the weight of his impending fourth birthday is making me flash forward to what could have been; to what should have been. He would have grown up. He would have been four tomorrow.<br />
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I have daydreamed all the things he would have loved and I think I am spot on, if I do say so myself. <br />
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He would be begging to go to the pool and he would want to keep up with his brother and sister from the moment they threw their towels on the chairs. His skin would be a light brown color just like Johnny and his blonde hair would stick out like a sore thumb. He would be wearing all of his brother's hand me down swim trunks and loving the idea that he could be just like him. His sister would try and be a little mom to him. She would be bossy, but loving and always want to help him with his sunscreen. <br />
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Baseball for him would actually be T-Ball. He would have his white baseball pants, a blue jersey, and a baseball glove because his brother says he needs one. He would get his pants dirty when he falls into home plate and when he grabs the ball with his uncovered left hand. He would smile at me so proud of his stains and I would of course smile back happy to make them white again once we got home. His brother and sister would cheer so loudly. They would make him signs and share in his love of the game. <br />
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His room would be just down the hall. I think he may have had more grey and green rather than our typical navy blue boy room. I'm sure however, he would love the all boy toys like trains, cars, legos, and sports of all kinds. But I also think he would enjoy spending time with his sister. She would help him with crafts, read him books, and teach him how to take care of her babies. His compassion would be evident as he grew up with two very different but loving siblings. <br />
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He would be a good sleeper. However, every once in awhile he would wake up and want to snuggle with his momma. He would sneak down the hall and crawl into bed with me. I would smell him and rub his eyes and arms as he fell back asleep next to me. His body would be like a heavy weight next to me but I would be able to feel him breathing. His chest would rise and fall and he would stay in this spot for the rest of the night into the early morning.<br />
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I think of all the things I long to see it is just that. I long to see his chest rise and fall. I want him to crawl into bed with me on his fourth birthday eve and snuggle. <br />
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My prayer tonight is that I have a dream. A dream with just one of these sweet moments with my Charlie, a moment I can sit in soak up. I want to see him and watch his four year old self smile. <br />
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Happy birthday eve Charlie boy. You are loved and missed and never forgotten. Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6011800369095526766.post-19831275533421345652018-06-19T06:49:00.000-07:002018-06-23T06:50:15.685-07:00Teachable Text Tuesday (Alfie) Mia loves Alfie, her pet turtle. But he's not very soft, he doesn't do tricks, and he's pretty quiet. Sometimes she forgets he's even there! It was the night before Nia's seventh birthday, when Alfie disappeared!<br />
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This unique story that makes you really think when Nia's turtle disappears. As I read this story with Macy, she immediately assumed the turtle had died when he disappeared. 'Maybe her parents took Alfie out of the aquarium?' she thought out loud. <br />
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But what you learn is the innovative way the story changes and lends itself perfectly for a teachable moment. The perspective changes and the story is retold from the turtles point of view. My brain immediately started thinking of all the ways I could teach point of view including taking a unique event from our own lives and asking a friend or family member to retell the story from their perspective. <br />
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This book, released in October of 2017, became the perfect piece of literature to use for teaching point of view but also responsibility and animal adaptations. It is a great place to start when uncovering the tricky reading skill of point of view and a story your children will not soon forget. <br />
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Macy said, "I like the book because she plays with her turtle and becomes friends with it. I like the end when the turtle found Nia a birthday present in a funny place. The turtle was being kind. It was funny because it was like the turtle was talking in the book. I've never heard a turtle talk before."<br />
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If you want to purchase this book you can find it <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Alfie-Turtle-Disappeared-Thyra-Heder/dp/1419725297/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1529761098&sr=1-1&keywords=Alfie" target="_blank">here</a>. Happy "Teachable Text Tuesday!" <br />
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<br />Casey Gesenhueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10455359566796733797noreply@blogger.com0