Summer

Typically there is a pure joy that rides alongside the word "summer."  It always joins the conversations at the most perfect time and sticks around just long enough for everyone to get rejuvenated before it finally feels like it is time to pull out the bouquets of sharpened pencils again.  And while summer is such a beloved word for us teachers I am actually that teacher that really loves school too.  Aside from home with my family it might be my favorite place in the whole wide world to be.

This year as the end of school crept closer my heart began racing.  It wasn't the normal "I love school and could secretly keep going" feeling, but rather the "this cannot end..." feeling.  I've never felt that before.  Everyone (even those of us crazy enough to LOVE it) needs a break in June.  I just couldn't figure out why I was so anxious about it ending this year.  I was irritable.  I was irrational.  I was sometimes hateful.  I was frustrated.  I was tired.  I was sad.  And it wasn't until I had over 8 hours in the car this past week to think by myself that I figured it out.

I realized it's Charlie.  All of that emotion was 100% Charlie consumed.  

I didn't want school to end because it was something else that makes Charlie feel far away.  It makes that time when I held him in my arms feel impossible to get back to.  It means we are sneaking back up on July 4th, one of the only times I can vividly remember every single detail of Charlie, and that scares me.  One year of him being gone is not a day I want to face, but as the sun continues to rise and set, the reality is I probably will see this day.  I will have to face that awful day and all the many emotions that I am sure will come with it.    

As I spent time talking to myself and thinking in the car I realized that not wanting July 17th to come wasn't the only thing that I was struggling with.  School this year helped me; it saved me.  After Charlie, I wasn't sure I would be able to go back to school.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do.  I remember talking to my principal and him telling me I could take however much time I needed.  I just thought the entire time we spoke that I might not come back.  I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't want to see anyone.  I didn't want to face the world.  I just wanted to hide.  I was in this dark depression and I thought I needed to stay there indefinitely.

What I learned once I was encouraged to come back to work was that school made me feel human again.  It gave me something normal to go back to and to feel good about.  It gave me tiny pockets of joy in the midst of the most awful time of my life.  I attribute a lot of that to the tiny humans that I got to teach each day.  They said Charlie's name without hesitation.  They told me they were proud of me and they loved me.  They said they went to see Charlie's headstone.  They smiled at me because they weren't thinking in the middle of the day that I may be sad.  They gave me lots of hugs.  They told me they liked the picture of Charlie on my desk (a lot!).  And the best thing was that they never, ever looked at me and felt sorry for me.  Instead they loved and respected the memory of Charlie and kept me smiling even when I didn't want to.  Each and every student was chosen to be apart of my class this year I am positive for a specific reason.  Each one touched my heart and helped me get to June.  

While this June and July will be hard they will also joyful.  I get to spend a normal summer with my twins.  No hospital, no exhaustion, no unending tears, no worry.  They get all of me.  We are going to the pool and we are going to enjoy being in the sun as much as we possibly can.  So come on summer, jump in the passenger seat and stay for a bit.  Our family needs this break.  We need this sunshine in our lives.

Splash Park

This summer has been all but "normal."  We finished school extremely late (with PD days tacked onto the end...) and I'm pregnant.  I guess to be honest those are the only two things that are really different about this summer but it seems like our worlds are about to be turned upside down and my stress level is maxed out.  With that being said, we have been making an effort to "do something" with the twins almost everyday (for our sanity as well as theirs).  This is the first summer they can really walk/run and play and are beginning to enjoy things outside so we wanted it to be memorable.  

So far we have visited Coney Island, walked around the Cincinnati Zoo more than once, swam at the Swim Club and the YMCA, enjoyed pizza at Tower Park, visited my parents in Lexington, and we ventured into Ohio for a day to go to the Splash Park at Woodland Mounds.

The Splash Park was so far our favorite activity of the summer.  It brought the most smiles, giggles, was completely free (since the twins are under two), and brought on the longest nap of the summer!  We went with my mom, sister, Kiley, and Grayson.  We arrived just before they opened around 10:30 and played on the playground next to the Splash Park.  Macy and Johnny both love slides which there were plenty of on this particular playground.  They loved it and almost didn't want to go into the Splash Park because they loved the playground so much.  However, when they heard water they followed us in and when they saw the fountains and slides inside their faces lit up!

Nothing I can really say will do justice to the memories engrained in my heart from our summer so far; so I made a quick video of our day at the Splash Park.  Here it goes!

  

Summer Milestones

I never thought I would say this but the babies are growing SO fast!  Just since my last post they have learned so many new things.  We went on vacation in April and then again last week to really start off our summer on the right foot.  Our trips were very different!  Let's hit the highlights...

April: 

-The babies were just learning how to sit up.  They were not able to do this on their own and it made for a LONG week of sitting with them at the pool, on the beach, and in the condo. 

-The babies were both sick.  I don't mean they had a little cough, I'm talking really sick.  So sick we took the car seats apart and CLEANED everything in our car when we arrived after driving through the night.  We also visited the Urgent Care Clinic in Sarasota twice!  Ugh, being sick on vacation stinks! 

-Little Johnny did not want to be outside.  I think it was mainly due to him not feeling well, but I'm not sure he is a huge fan of the sun either.  

-The babies were taking two naps consistently.  Both of their naps were necessary; without them we were all very grumpy.  Their naps made it hard at times to plan activities for everyone.  

-They slept so well.  The ride (aside from the vomiting) was pretty smooth.  They enjoy being in the car and always fall asleep when the car is moving.  

-The babies since they were born have spit up A LOT.  It seems like it they were not eating or sleeping they were spitting up. While it was beginning to get a little better on this vacation we were still all sitting with burp clothes in hand waiting for the inevitable spit up from the time they ate to the time they laid down.  

June: 

-They are officially crawling!!  They were able to move and go anywhere they pleased.  Macy also started pulling herself up on objects like coffee tables and chairs.   We have had a few bumps and bruises from tipping over backwards when mom and dad's heads were turned.  

-NO ONE was sick!  We were healthy and ready to see the sun and sand!  It was a welcome change.  

-Little Johnny LOVED the pool and the beach.  He would sit and watch the waves forever. 

-The babies are taking two naps some days but if they wake up at their normal time (around 8:00 am) they are pretty good to go until around 12:30 for their one and only three hour nap.  This worked perfectly as we took turns visiting the pool during their afternoon nap and we were able to take small trips to the ocean, pool, or where ever in the morning.   

-They are still the absolute BEST sleepers.  We are so lucky and even though this time around they were more mobile, we drove mostly through the night so we did not experience too terrible of a car ride either way.  

-We brought probably 10-15 burp clothes and they stayed in the drawer in the condo!  We didn't have to wash ANY of them!  I cannot even believe it, but this week was it!  I can finally say we are getting past the spit up stage!  Praise the Lord!!

John and I would both rank this vacation (out of the two as a family of four) our favorite.  We were able to relax a little more and we have found that as they grow and become more interested in new things life gets easier.  (I know what you're thinking, all you veteran moms out there..."yeah right!"  Just let us think it for now...I'm sure there will be more posts once they get a little bigger with new adventures and new challenges).