Mother's Day

Today I was blessed with a handmade gift from the twins and their daddy all wrapped up in the memory of Charlie. John drew a balloon on each of three small canvases.  He then let the twins choose their three favorite colors and they began painting their balloon.  They were guided just a little to help keep the shape of the balloons and Charlie was included as they chose colors they thought he would like and painted the third balloon for him.  John wanted to add another little piece of Charlie in our home and I think this was the perfect way to include him today.

While Mother's Day has changed for me I think knowing that I am still Charlie's momma is what saved me today.  I miss Charlie and I want him back in my arms but even though heaven and earth separate us he is still my child; I am still his momma.

Today in church there was a verse that was meant specifically for me.  God placed it on the lips of our speaker because he knew I would be sitting among thousands of others at Crossroads this morning.  Mark 9:24 says,"Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!'" When it was explained that this man had faith but he was also afraid and needed God to make him brave, I could relate.  I desperately need God to make me brave.  I need him to intercede when I wrestle with the pain that I face.  When I cannot understand why Charlie is gone I need God to be there to remind me He is with me.  I need help with my unbelief.

So, for those of us that have something that is causing us not to fully believe, my prayer is that we lean into Him.  I think that is all that is helping me be brave right now as we come up on 10 months without Charlie.