Pictures

Lately my days have been hard.  I miss Charlie so much.  I am almost consumed by his memory, by what could have and what would have been.  I feel a little bit alone in my grief too.  It is no ones fault but my own, it just feels like I should be more okay than I am.  That makes it hard to share the grief.  I just wish I could give him a hug and kiss.  I just wish he was having trouble falling asleep and was snuggled up with me on the sofa.  I wish he needed me the way I need him.  

When in the world will this pain in my heart not ache so much?

I am sure it will not end.  But in moments and days and weeks like this I have little winks from God to help me keep going.  This past week I needed to get a few things done at work.  I worked until around 8 in my classroom.  Macy came with me because she LOVES school and she loves sitting at my table with my badge on drawing me pictures.  She always draws an abundance of pictures and at times we tapes them all over my room.  Before we left I took most of them down and hung them on my bulletin board behind my desk.  There was one left that I did not notice until the next day.  It was her, Charlie, and Johnny.  She always includes our sweet boy.  She never leaves him out of a family picture.  While my heart aches it also swells with joy when she lets me know he will not be forgotten.

I may never take that picture down.