Johnny and I recently had a quiet dinner together at a nice restaurant. There was no one pulling on our legs, no one needing their food cut up, and no one wanting to get up and run around the restaurant. We sat together, we looked at each other, and we talked. We talked briefly about the scary dark cloud that seems to be stuck over our lives but we also talked about how truly blessed we are by our kids and each other. It was a good evening. It was a much needed evening with my best friend.
Later when I sat down to think and write I was drawn to the memory of my wedding day. I remember our ceremony vividly. We planned each minute of the ceremony from the songs to the verses that were shared and I remember the moment I vowed to spend the rest of my life with Johnny. We vowed to love each other for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows, until death do we part, and if I'm being honest, we had absolutely no idea what that meant. Of course, at the time we thought we understood. We had the most sincere intentions and whether we fully understood or not, we both made that promise to love and to cherish each other and we trusted that with God as our center we would be a force to be reckoned with and I think we are.
But like I said, neither one of us knew what was coming. Neither one of us knew that Satan was going to try to wreck our world and try so hard to wreck our family. We never imagined that we would lose our third child. We didn't know that days were going to feel impossible to muddle through. We had no idea what sorrow really was or how it could change our entire perspective on life. Now, as I think about our vows they mean so much more than they ever have before. I need Johnny. I have given literally all that I have and all of my love to him and he has done the same. On that sacred day we made a promise and I am so glad we did. I am so glad that I have him by my side for better or for worse.