It has been 8 months since Charlie went to Heaven; eight very difficult, life changing months. For most people those 8 months have healed their hearts and they have completely forgotten about the reality that we are missing someone in our family. Their routine and day to day is back to normal. It doesn't take a toll on their body or their mind or their heart. But it still does for me and the worst part is this sadness overwhelms me when I least expect it. It is hardest when I need to be the strongest.
For some reason I forgot to post my list of reasons I am thankful on the 17th of this month. But today a little boy in my class reminded me to be thankful for small things. He said one of the kindest things anyone has said to me about Charlie. Maybe it was the innocence behind the whole exchange or maybe it was because he wanted to give Charlie more than he really had to give? I am not sure what it was but I am thankful for him and I am thankful that he was put in my class for this moment among so many others.
Our conversation started with, "Mrs. G, guess where I went yesterday?" He was not in school the day before so I was not sure what he was going to say. He quickly told me that he went to the cemetery to see Charlie. He had the biggest smile on his face. He said, "I really want to get him flowers Mrs. G."
I typically don't let my students see me cry, not because I think there is anything wrong with it, but because I want to be able to keep it together and not worry them or frighten them. They are such sensitive little people and I want to make sure that I protect that part of them. This morning was a different case. I was already having a rough morning missing my boy and when this student told me that he wanted to take Charlie flowers I cried. Not a lot but as I told him how much that meant to me and how so so special he was a tear or two fell from my eyes.
One of the reasons I can keep getting up each day is because I have 24 students counting on me to be there with my head held high. When they say things like that I realize how truly valuable they are in helping me heal and helping me continue because it is the right thing to do. Those 24 precious people that count on me are what I am thankful for this month. I wouldn't make it without them some days.