Sunday, April 12, 2015

Where Did the Sunshine Go?

My little boy has asked me this question almost everyday since we returned from our trip to Florida.

"Mommy, where did the sunshine go?"

I kind of feel like I want to ask that sometimes.  Since Charlie has been gone everything has changed.  My viewpoint, my stress level, my attitude, my priorities, my everything.  And I have wanted to ask God the same question Johnny asks me since we abruptly left the Sunshine State, "Where did my sunshine go?"

I have walked through this most fierce storm and I made it through.  I have scars but I'm here and the sun is starting to shine on some of my days.  Instead of only asking, "Where did it go?"  I can now say, "I kind of see it, God."  Those days that it doesn't make an appearance are hard but little things are starting to make me happy again.

Spring break with my family was one of those things that equates to sunshine that the entire family needed in more than one way.  After yet another adventure (topped off with throwing up toddlers) in the car we finally made it to Florida.  The weather was perfect and we were able to take time to relax a little bit in a place that is not our home.  (I really think it is good for the soul to escape every once in awhile.)

Every single time we venture to a new place the twins just soak it all in and we are beginning to see more and more how different they are but at the same time how much they love each other and have this special bond that I believe only twins can have.

Macy enjoyed every second of the beach.  From the moment we stepped foot on the sand she was in her own version of heaven.  Johnny on the other hand did not love sand between his toes or anywhere on his body for that matter.  But she lovingly showed him how much fun it could be and by the end of the week he was building sand castles and pushing through the sand with his dump truck right alongside her.

Johnny was in his element the night we took in a baseball game.  Macy was fine with it but as soon as she saw her brother get excited about it, she also lit up and wanted to see the baseball players.  (FYI, TWO two year olds at a baseball game can be tricky; don't forget the snacks!)

I wish I could capture every single memory and every single thing the two of them said because I never ever want to forget them at this age.  It is hard to accept that next year things will be different and the funny things they say will change.  But no matter what changes, they will always be my sunshine.  They are really the reason the sun shined bright on our vacation.  And continues to poke through the clouds even now that we are home.

 Today as Johnny and I sat together on the deck we had the sweetest conversation.  He said, "Mommy, isn't this sunshine great!?  I love it Mom.  It's my favorite."  Yes, I love it too.  I love that the dark cloud is moving over a little and I am finally able to see the sunshine poke through those clouds.  I am beginning to see through the sadness to realize they are a blessing beyond what I could have ever begged God for at this point in my life.  They are the two most perfect people to help me see happy things like sunshine when I need it most.  

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