Wisdom, in my humble opinion, is something that I tend to see more in women (and men) that are older than myself.
In Job 12:12 it says, "Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?" And again in Proverbs 13:1 it reads, "A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke." I would say God knows what He is talking about when he says that as we age, we also gain understanding, or wisdom. And with that being said, I am always good to listen to the advice and wisdom of those in a place of seniority, especially when those words of wisdom are coming from my friend, Mary Moore. This friendship is new, or should I say given to me in God's most precious timing. I have known her for several years. I have always loved her and I have always looked up to her, but now, in a matter of a few weeks I have seen her heart and she has seen mine. We are intertwined in God's story together and I am so glad. She has so much wisdom to share.
This story tonight is probably only this special to my heart, but it needed to be shared because I have a feeling everyone has a Mary that can impart so much wisdom is we just confide in them. So here it goes; in order to keep this half marathon run in a few weeks in perspective I needed this handful of wisdom that I could shove in my back pocket and pull out whenever the "competition" got the best of me. Mary reminded of something that I absolutely needed to hear and be reminded of because I am simply not wise enough to have brought myself back to my reality. As I talked with this sweet friend outside after our small group tonight, she kindly and gently listened as I told her that this run is for Charlie. As I am crawling out of a place of grief that is deep I want to finish this because I want to beat Satan. I want to do it and be able to say, "I'm ok." I want to be a mom that my babies (all three of them) and husband are proud of. I want to be a person of strong character that finishes what I start. I want to be someone that people look up to because I follow through and I made it through (not only this race training but through this stage of grief). When I started training that was exactly why. Those were the only reasons why I ran.
I remember those thoughts like they are burned into my skin. It was like an oath I took with myself. I promised I wouldn't give up. And while that is why I started running, literally the exact opposite is how I have felt recently. The words that came out of my mouth that have been stuck in my heart for several days were, "I don't think I can do it. I don't think I am going to run." When I said that out loud in that moment, there was no judgement. She let me explain and then reminded me that before I was wrapped up in my "pace" or "time" I was doing it for a completely different reason. I was enjoying my runs. I was releasing frustrations, anger, sadness, and I was making myself better for my family. Then (it was no one's fault but my own) my need to compete and beat a certain time or make a certain time took over and derailed my real purpose. It was like someone told me if you don't make this certain time you can't finish. So as she redirected me and reassured me that I could do it and I would do it, I felt that wisdom wash all those insecurities and "times" away.
It's about me and Charlie on May 3rd. I will finish for him.
"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." James 3: 17
Thank you Mary for being all those things listed above as you shared so much wisdom and understanding with me.