I took Macy and Johnny to the park tonight. I met a friend and we spent the evening talking while our kids played. Another mom was close by and smiled and spoke to us several times. She was very kind and laughed with us as we listened to our kids talk and make new friends with one another while they took turns on the slide.
We ended up at opposite ends of the park but when we approached each other again she looked at me with a curious look. She said, "Are they twins?" And in that instant I knew what would follow...
"How old are they?"
"They just turned three."
"I kept trying to figure out which one was older..."
"Well, Macy, my strong willed little girl, came out just ten minutes before her brother."
"Do you have any other kids?"
"I would think not...after twins you probably realized that would do just fine...and a boy and a girl...that worked out just perfectly!"
I knew it was coming and my heart still stopped when that conversation actually happened. I say "no" only because I don't want to make the person asking uncomfortable. I really want to say yes, but how do you say your third child is in heaven. I'm not sure this question will ever get easier. I'm not sure I will ever really know how to answer.
I just hope Charlie hears my heart cry, "YES! I have another little boy named Charlie."
I am left thinking about this verse that was sent to me tonight. It fits times like this perfectly. I could write one million and one blog posts about things like this that happen everyday and never will the pain and heartache go away. Instead I keep praying for His grace that gets me through it all.
God doesn't necessarily take us out of pain and heartache. Instead He gives us all the grace and everything we need to persevere in heartache. 1 Peter 1:3