Thursday, November 19, 2015

#4 Write Your Grief: People always say it hurts at night...

People always say it hurts at night and apparently screaming into your pillow at 3am is the romantic equivalent of being heartbroken...

I have lived and breathed this reality.  It definitely hurts more at night.  Charlie died at 10:30 on July 17th, at night.  He started having seizures while he was in the hospital, at night.  I went home a couple of nights to eat dinner with the twins while we were in the hospital and one evening when we came back our doctor explained that he was not getting better.  She said in a very kind and soft voice that we shouldn't leave anymore, at night.

I guess it makes sense that the smell that makes me most miss my little boy is his lovie.  A small, cotton, heart covered "Snoedel" that the nurses gently placed on his head to keep him warm one of the first nights we were there.  Of course the smell of Charlie has long since faded but I still hold it and smell it and it sort of takes me back to him.  I don't have many things that belong to Charlie so this is precious.  It is a comfort now for me like it was for him.  While it may not smell of him, it still reminds me of his smell.  It reminds me of something that I can't ever have again.  It reminds me of our time together.    

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