Sunday, April 3, 2016
I'm laying in bed at the "Florida House" where we spend our spring break vacation each year. We have so many memories here in this house including unmarried vacations and the twin's firsts vacations. Each trip with its own unique challenges as well as joy filled moments. We also took a trip here last year in July only days after Charlie died. As I lay here this time I can't help but think of how different this night is as compared to close to two years ago when we came. I laid in this same bed almost unable to get up and take on the day or I laid in this same bed unable to sleep, crying. It felt too hard and like something that would never ever go away. I can honestly say now two years later I am more at peace as I lay here. My memories and sorrow surrounding Charlie will never diminish or entirely go away; however I am learning to lean into grief and do what I need to to deal with it. I am not going to get bitter. I am going to allow this "thing" I've been dealt to make me better. So for tonight, goodnight. I'm falling asleep remembering Charlie.