Fear No Evil

Today is June 4th.  It wasn't a special day or a memorable day for me but I saw a picture today that took me by surprise and helped me remember exactly where I was three years ago.  I am sure it was posted on Facebook for the many families whose children are in the picture but for me I noticed something completely different. My son Charlie was in that picture.  I was pregnant with Charlie.

I have very few pictures of myself pregnant with Charlie.  I suppose the usual "having two other children keeping us busy" is our excuse for the limited pictures, so when I see myself pregnant I always assume it's with the twins.  I realized quickly when I saw this particular picture there is no way it could have been with the twins because the timing is all wrong.  My water broke on the second day of school with the twins and this picture is on awards day towards the end of the school year.

It is amazing to me that Charlie was completely healthy, completely safe, and completely perfect in my belly.  And the fear that surrounds me so often now, didn't exist when I had Charlie safe in my belly.  Satan let me relish in the perfection that seemed to surround us before Charlie until he was finally able to blindside us.  I still feel him close.  I can still tell in my darkest moments and my hardest days that Satan is a powerful force, a force to be reckoned with and I have come to trust the Lord in those moments and ask for him to take Satan away from me.  

As I look at this picture now I get to think about how amazing our reunion will be in heaven.  I can't wait to see his sweet chubby face again and hold his sweet chubby hands.  Hope is an amazing thing and while the truth I have found in Psalm 23 is powerful, fear is still also a real thing.  He leads me beside still waters and I will fear no evil.  I am clinging desperately to this truth and longing for my Shepherd to come near me this evening.