Thursday, July 13, 2017

It's Even in the Highlander

We only have to get two kids in the car each time we leave our house or anywhere for that matter.  Most people would think 'No problem!  They jump in, buckle themselves, and then tell us they are ready to get going with a quick "Ready Mommy!" shoutout.'

It all seems pretty simple really.  And it is until grief interrupts this picture perfect scenario because you see, it wasn't supposed to be this way.  We were supposed to have three car seats.  Three babies.  Three little people to get to and from place to place.

I should be dealing with a whole lot less trunk space.  Let's just say when the third row is up we can't go for a haul at the grocery store because our food would't fit in our less than ideal trunk size.  I should have to strategically plan a time to go when I don't have all three kids.  I should have to take out a car seat and lay down the third row.  I should have to deal with this inconvenience and I wish I did because that would mean Charlie is with us.

I should be remembering who was in the "way back" last.  The twins should be arguing about why it isn't fair that they aren't in the back this particular car ride.  I should be calming everyone down while still buckling a little one in a car seat.  I should be mediating the disagreement between the twins.  I should have to deal with this type of life moment where the twins thought this was a big deal and I wish I did because that would mean Charlie is with us.

I should be getting in my car and driving around town with my windows down belting out my favorite lyrics.  I used to sing LOUD in my car y'all.  I should be sharing these vocal chords with the entire town of Fort Thomas.  I should have three kids telling me to turn it down because I am embarrassing them.  I should be singing and laughing and rolling the windows down and I wish I was because that would mean Charlie is with us.

It was all simple when I thought death couldn't touch us.  It was all really simple when I was naive...or maybe a better word is ignorant?  Ignorance is bliss right?!  I would love for just one more day to deal with less trunk space or arguing twins.  I would love for just one more day to go back to feeling free and joy filled all the time!

It is crazy to me really that opening my car door and stepping up into my Highlander can evoke all of these feelings and thoughts in just seconds.  It can take your breath away.  It can cause you to lose control of the entire day.  It's called grief.  It's even in the Highlander.  It's hard and it's real.    


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