I am learning that trusting God and his plan is hard. I can't see him. I can't always hear him. I just have to have faith that he is carrying me through this...
The really difficult thing to grasp is while I am trying to wipe away tears and perservere through this grief I am also having to fight Satan.
Satan wants me to fight with my husband.
Satan wants me to get aggravated with the twins.
Satan wants me to sit in a puddle of tears in my bed and never get up.
Satan wants me to feel like I have no hope.
But what I am realizing is that he wants all of these things because he knows my heart is for the Lord. He knows that once I can face the world again people are going to be even more aware of God's place in my heart. While the ache I have in my heart for Charlie will never go away I have to be confident that God will win this battle. He will be glorified if I continue to put my trust in Him.
I yearn for Heaven more than I ever have before. I can't wait to hug Charlie and tell him that I love him. For now, while I am still on this earth, the tears will just have to keep falling and my heart will just have to keep hurting. But I have hope. I have a hope and a peace that surpasses all understanding even in my darkest hours.
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Hi Casey,
ReplyDeleteI wish there was something I could offer to ease the pain, but I know that can only be Slightly lessened by time. I explained to Owen what has happened and he wanted to know right away why that would happen to someone like you. So we are working on that, because I honestly don't have an answer. I just wanted you to know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
Love you friend and your precious heart. Praying for you all and for joyful moments to fill your days.
ReplyDeleteCasey, I have had you on my mind many hours of the day and even night since I heard about Charlie's passing. I have woken up during the night and I can't figure out why but God lays it on my heart to pray for you because I imagine that is the time that may be darkest for
ReplyDeleteYou. I already know God is using Charlie's little life to bring him glory. Look at all the caring bridge visitors and people who will see your blog and other social media and you are being such an example of faith. Mama to mama I ache for you and promise to continue praying for you to fight satan and let a God win!
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