Monday, October 6, 2014


I pray differently now and the pit of my stomach has a new low.  So naturally when I hear about someone else that is hurting I feel the bottom of that deep dark pit and then almost immediately I pray.

Yesterday, John and I heard about a friend of ours whose dad had a stroke.  He was having a really hard time and in order to get rid of some of the swelling in his brain they had to do brain surgery this morning.  The moment that I heard about the surgery I realized that my prayers were immediately directed to our friend and her family, instead of just her dad.  Don't get me wrong I will always and forever pray for the person or people that are physically or emotionally hurt and need prayers.  And actually when Charlie was in the hospital I would not have wanted one single prayer to be said for myself or Johnny, only Charlie.  However, now looking from the outside in I know all too well about the most scary and uncertain place that your mind can wander to and I know how incredibly lonely a hospital room can be.  A part of me thinks the people waiting for their loved ones to come through some significant medical procedure or maybe just open their eyes to look around are the ones that need a bit of peace.  I also realize that while God wants to give us the desires of our hearts he also wants us to talk to Him in hopes that maybe our heart will change and transform to a place where our desires are His desires. 

I wish every single day that I could go back in time and change the outcome for Charlie and for my family.  I want him to be three months old and learning all the things that come with that age.  I do however think that God has given me a unique opportunity to empathize with others in circumstances you would never want to be able to empathize with someone in.  I hope that people know that my heart aches for them and  my prayers do not cease.               

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