When Waters Rise

Every single one of my Mother's Day will always be blessed by my three children. But alongside my joy there is pain. 
Charlie will not be able to make me a flower with his hand print.  The only hand print I will ever have is the one we got the day he died in our arms in the hospital.  

Charlie will not be able to beam with pride because of the number of soccer goals he scored.  The only certificate or recognition I will ever have is the one we got when he got a PICC line at Cincinnati Children's Hospital days before we learned nothing else would help him.  

Charlie will not be able to run up and hug me.  The embrace I will cherish more than any other is the last time he nursed.  Everyone in the hospital was shocked including myself but it is all I have; a memory.

Today was Mother's Day.  It was a beautiful, blessed and messy day.  We attended church and shared breakfast and we rested on this Sabbath Day.  And literally the joy and pain sat right next to one another.  At one point I almost let the pain cover the joy.  But I remembered the lyrics of this song from church. I was immediately thankful God placed them in my path because more than anyone, He knows what my heart needs this day and everyday.  I needed to know when the waters rise I can hold fast to hope, my anchor.  

Down in the valley
When waters rise
I'm still believing
Hope is alive
Through all the struggle
And darkest day
I'll remember
The empty grave 

We miss you intensely Charlie and I am thankful as always for the empty grave and the promise of Heaven.  

I am also positive my joy would not have it's own heartbeat without these two. 

It may not actually exist next to the pain without them.  I'm glad God blessed me with them and the privilege I have to kiss and hug them every single day!