Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Wrapped Up

When things get overwhelming at work or in my life in general I get wrapped up in my grief.  

When grief was new I was able to really just avoid all things that used to make me anxious; the trivial things.  It was like all the sudden nothing was as important as I used to think it was.  The typical worries went away.  The work stress couldn't get to me.  The things that once "mattered" or that I thought were so important meant nothing because something was stripped from my life in a matter of days.  Something that I longed for and begged God for was taken away.  Nothing matters as much when that happens to you.  

Then as I began to heal I began to go back.  I began to worry about the silly things.  I got away from the scripture that reminds me how much more important I am than the birds of the air.  I let silly things get me down.

And now, while I'm not all the way back to normal and I'm positive I will never be completely normal, I still let silly, worthless things get me down.  I let stress consume my thoughts.  I let people drag me down.  I let worries fill important parts of my brain that should be filled with joy.  I know our time on earth is limited.  I know that I will not always be here and my family will not always be here and yet I can't seem to stop the worry.  And with that worry comes pain.   The most stressful time of my life when I was the most out of control as I have ever been comes rushing back when I am worried, stressed, overwhelmed, and I can't seem to help it.

I get wrapped up in grief.  

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