When things get overwhelming at work or in my life in general I get wrapped up in my grief.
When grief was new I was able to really just avoid all things that used to make me anxious; the trivial things. It was like all the sudden nothing was as important as I used to think it was. The typical worries went away. The work stress couldn't get to me. The things that once "mattered" or that I thought were so important meant nothing because something was stripped from my life in a matter of days. Something that I longed for and begged God for was taken away. Nothing matters as much when that happens to you.
Then as I began to heal I began to go back. I began to worry about the silly things. I got away from the scripture that reminds me how much more important I am than the birds of the air. I let silly things get me down.
And now, while I'm not all the way back to normal and I'm positive I will never be completely normal, I still let silly, worthless things get me down. I let stress consume my thoughts. I let people drag me down. I let worries fill important parts of my brain that should be filled with joy. I know our time on earth is limited. I know that I will not always be here and my family will not always be here and yet I can't seem to stop the worry. And with that worry comes pain. The most stressful time of my life when I was the most out of control as I have ever been comes rushing back when I am worried, stressed, overwhelmed, and I can't seem to help it.
I get wrapped up in grief.