As a bereaved momma I have learned that as I try to grieve in a healthy way I absolutely cannot ignore my pain. I cannot ignore how sad I am. I cannot ignore how grief impacts every aspect of my life. It seems obvious to me now, but I feel like I need to continue to say it on my blog, not only for myself but for anyone else that may read this at the beginning of their journey or still walking this seemingly lonely path.
It's all so weird though because as the holiday season sneaks up on us I am beginning to hear people say, "Make sure you count your blessings..." to not only myself but other people that may have a hole in their heart. And trust me when I say there is no one or nothing anyone can say that could change or alter the unconditional love I have for my family. I count my blessings daily; hourly.
However, what some people can't understand is telling me to focus on counting blessings instead of the very obvious person that is missing from our home is like asking someone to forget about their hair that has just caught on fire. How would that go for you? Would you be able to stop and let your hair just burst into flames without reacting?
I have been forced to learn to balance this empty place for Charlie while still being present for my family. I have learned that there can be joy and sadness that exist at the exact same time. As I walk through and around these grief landmines I continue to put my faith and trust in Jesus. While he may not move the mountains I want him to move or part the sea I want him to part I know that my trust must remain in him. He is infinitely better than anyone I know! He is infinitely more concerned with me and my well being that anyone I know.