Tonight I bid farewell to 2016 and reluctantly say hello to 2017. I say reluctantly because there is something about the passing of time that makes the pain of losing Charlie rise to the surface. I miss him so much and as more and more time separates the moment since I last held him and the present I struggle to move forward.
Don't get me wrong. I have hope and I continue to move forward one step at a time; its just a difficult step to take each and every day. I have learned over the course of the past two and a half years that in order to keep my footing I need a clear vision. I need to write down my hopes and the steps I will take to accomplish those hopes and dreams.
1. Say "yes!"
In order to better love and be present with my kids I plan to say "yes" whenever Macy and John ask me to play. So many times in a day I say, "Hang on just a second." or "Let me finish this really quickly." It actually makes me sad to type this. I always have something 'more important' that needs to be done. How quickly I am learning how unimportant those things are in the grand scheme of my life and my kid's lives.
2. Finish my book.
I have a transcript. My goal was to have it sent to publishers on November 17th but my nerves and fear have kept me from moving forward. I am ready to begin the new year with a new mindset. I am ready to print what I have and then send it along to whomever will read it. Maybe the timing is just right. Maybe someone out there will get it in their hands at the perfect moment and it will become a reality. I want to publish a book this year.
3. Run again.
I run every now and then. I enjoy it. I actually yearn for it when I don't do it but I let my depression and laziness get in the way more often than not, especially over the course of this past year. So I am going to commit to some kind of schedule. I am not positive that means any certain race or expectation at any certain time but I am going to commit to a schedule. I am going to do something. Cheer me on!
4. Keep my head up.
Things at work have been especially difficult. I'm not one to talk work on the blog but I need to make sure that I say I plan to keep my head up. Regardless of the circumstances I am going to rise above. I am going to keep doing what I know is right. I am going to keep working hard. I am going to keep my students in the forefront of my mind.
5. Honor Charlie.
I want to continue the birthday tradition that we have for Charlie with random acts of kindness. It is important to me that we continue to talk about him and continue to teach the twins about their brother, but more importantly about heaven. This year however, I want to honor Charlie every single week, not just on his birthday. I want to have a special moment where I complete one random act of kindness in his honor every single week of the 2017 year. By the end of the year I want to have 52 random acts of kindness that I can attribute to #charlielove. Keep an eye out for more on these random acts.
As I wrap up this post I feel less reluctant and more hopeful. I am excited about what God has in store for me. I am excited about how I can share His love and #charlielove with others as I fulfill these hopes and dreams.