Unseen

I am reading a new book.  I have actually almost finished it and I wanted to share a few favorite pieces.  It is well worth the read.  It gives you a completely different perspective on being "seen" or "unseen" as the title reveals.  It has helped me as I feel unworthy, unappreciated or simply not enough in many areas of my life.

"We were made to be seen - to have our baby hair clipped and saved, to have our milestones noticed, to be celebrated.  But at the end of almost every well-intentioned baby book you'll probably find black pages...As we grow, we swirl in a sea of other faces, other ambitions...The craving to be seen is universal; we were made to be known.  But there is only one who can know us.  He is the one who created us to live with moments and hours that no one else can understand."

This quote made me want to finish this book.  It was near the beginning but I found myself saying (before ever reading any of the book), "I don't think being known is such a terrible thing..." Apparently the Holy Spirit thought I needed this book whether I wanted to hear it or not because I preordered the book and it just arrived in my mailbox one afternoon.  I realized quickly it matters who you want to be known by.  Do I crave God's attention or my colleague or boss at work?  Do I crave God's eyes or my husbands undivided attention?  It made me think through many circumstances I am currently in and how I can think about whose attention I am craving and why.

"Unlike egotism, the drive to significance is a simple extension of the creative impulse of God that gave us being...We were built to count, as water is made to run downhill.  We are placed in a specific context to count in ways that no one else does.  That is our destiny." 

I want to count.  I want to matter.  I want to have a purpose.  Today at church this idea was affirmed.  We were reminded that in scripture it says, run the race so that you can win.  My drive and competitiveness is valid.  My training is important.  It is holy and God breathed to give things my all and when I downplay that I also downplay the gifts God has given me.  This book and the message at church have made me realize I count and I count in ways no one else does, regardless of whether or not I write a book or have a blog or create a podcast or stand up in front of millions to share my heart.  I count in the context I am currently in with my family, with my friends, with my students, with my colleagues.  I count right where I am.

"We lie with Him, under His watch and in His family, and yet still behave like orphans - distant, fragmented, and serving tirelessly to earn our keep."

This was actually so hard for me to read.  I had to read it several times because this is me.  I feel as though I have to earn my keep.  I have to do something to prove that I am worth saving.  The best part is that I get to keep reminding myself that God's grace is enough.

"The pits - whatever they may be for us in any given moment - are no longer awful.  Begin elbow deep in soapsuds and breakfast-sausage grease looks and feels different when we know God sees us there." 

My pits as of late have been the PICU at the hospital, the funeral home, the grave sight, the lonely hours in my closet crying and yes those alone without Jesus are awful.  However, in those moments God was made perfect because I needed him to breathe my next breath.  I needed him to hold me and help me move to the next moment.  I needed him to let me know that I would experience joy again.  He held me there and he let me know that being swallowed up by grief looks and feels different when I am confident God is with me and sees me there.

"It was true.  Biblical.  "My strength is made perfect in [your] weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9). And now near.  God's power came when I had nothing left.  It was perfected there in the cramped laundry room amid loads of wet clothing..."

This truly speaks for itself.  I have had many moments where I had nothing left.  The song is true, "When I am weak he is strong."

As I finish up this book, I am looking forward to rereading it and reminding myself that it is ok to remain "unseen."  When I am unseen that is when my roots go deep and that is when my heavenly father sees me and I have the confidence that he will eventually say, "Well done."