One More Time

When your five year old wakes up holding his throat and gasping for air you tend to freak out as a parent.  Add that to the most horrific experience of a lifetime; rushing your 7 day old son to the hospital because he stopped breathing, and you have a recipe for one freaked out momma and dad.

Let me start with the ending.  My sweet boy is taking a nap in his room this afternoon as peacefully as can be and I am laying on the sofa writing a blog post.  All is well.  All is right.

Last night, however, was not what I had envisioned my Friday night to be.  John and I were watching a movie in our bed and all the sudden around 10:30 Johnny came running into our room holding his neck.  He was coughing uncontrollably and couldn't seem to catch his breath.  It was terrifying.   He was gasping for air.  Immediately I went back in time to the morning I rushed Charlie to the hospital.  I went through every single second of that memory and thought I have to take him to the hospital.  I have to make sure I do everything I can to protect him.

We put socks and shoes on, grabbed our coats and hats and then as calmly as I could while swallowing my tears I put Johnny in the car.  As soon as he got in his car seat he started coughing really hard again and he threw up all over his clothes.  I cleaned him up as quickly as I could and grabbed something in case he got sick again.  We pulled out of the garage and started on our way.  I kept asking him questions so that I could hear him talk but he wouldn't say much.  It was hard to drive and make sure he was still breathing.  I watched him through my rearview mirror to make sure he looked like himself.  I was on edge.

I think I could literally drive to Cincinnati Children's with my eye closed but for some reason I was blocking everything related to Charlie out of my mind so that I could get through each moment coming at me like a piece of debris from a tornado.  This, however, was not a good thing when I was driving and felt like all the sudden I had no idea where I was going.  I never made a wrong turn but I felt the anxiety building up. When we got there we parked and went through the closest doors.  They were closed because it was so late.  I had not even thought about looking for the emergency room entrance.  I was so used to using the parking lot and finding entrance D I did it again on autopilot.   At this point our only choice was to walk through the parking lot to the front doors.  It was freezing cold, literally.  What I didn't know was that the cold air Johnny was breathing in as I carried him and ran into the building was what would help him most and actually let him calm down because he would feel like he could breathe again.

As it turned out he had croup.  His coughs always turn into a barking seal so we're used to that but this particular night it was much worse than normal and the gasping for air made me panic.  After several hours when we finally made our way a room the doctor asked several questions.  He asked if he was born prematurely or if he was a multiple.  I said, "Yes to both."  He smiled and explained that could have compromised his lungs at an early age and now he is more likely to get that type of infection along with the cough when he gets sick.  He said more than likely since he is older his airway is big enough that it wouldn't completely close up due to croup.  But he did say that it was wise to bring him in and get him better quickly.  He got a dose of steroids and we were on our way with discharge papers.

When we arrived he was not very happy. 

After triage he started feeling a bit better. 

I have never been so happy to accept those papers and get out of Children's hospital with my boy.  We walked and actually skipped down the hall.  As we were leaving Johnny said, "Mommy, I had a lot of fun spending time with you tonight."  He has my whole heart.  I smiled at him and with such a big smile I told him it was a blessing to hold him and talk with him (once he calmed down) with zero distractions.  I will take it even though it was a hard night it was also a special night for the two of us to sit and talk and play Eye Spy and eat Junior Mints.

We loved walking out of the hospital. 

We found some Junior Mints in my purse and shared a snack.

I will always remember now the time I went to Children's and left with a healthy boy instead of only having one horrible memory from within those walls.  That memory, that experience changed me but I am stronger and braver because of Charlie.  I was able to be there for my other sick boy and hold his hand just like I did for Charlie.