Compounded to...Overwhelming!

Stress induced hives.  Possible allergic reaction.  Muscle spasms.  Fatigue. 

I have had all of the above over the last two weeks.  This past weekend was by far the worst.  I finally surrendered to good friends telling me I should go to the doctor and let them look at me.  It may be my least favorite place to go even before the string of events that led to Charlie's death.  I've never liked it.  But I know it can also be a place of healing and my doctor is very encouraging and also very honest.  So long story short, finding some answers to a lot of unanswered questions gives me a bit of peace of mind (even in the short term) and I actually have medicine to help the hives disappear, muscle spasms relax, and to bring on the sleep!

This journey never ends.  The impact of losing a child, as I was reminded by a friend today, is the small part of anxiety that most people deal with compounded to overwhelming!  Small and big things bring it all back.  Things remind me of my own journey and whether they are good or bad those things bring emotions that are at times too much to walk through.  Over the course of the last few weeks both of my kids have been sick.  An eighth grade student at our middle school died from causes that are completely unknown still.  A child in Ohio died from the flu and strep.  A student in my class' house caught on fire and nothing could be salvaged.  It is tragedy after tragedy and the wreckage that lies deep in my soul and heart comes back to haunt me.  This time it knocked me down. 

The only thing I can do in circumstances like this is pray.  I am praying selfish prayers for healing and peace to come over me.  I will also pray those same prayers over the families that I know walking through their own tragedy.